I’ve had three weeks of great energy, finishing things, starting things, and starting yesterday I can feel my executive function flagging. Big time. And this loops in with increased load of anxiety, insomnia, death spiral of rumination and unhelpful but seemingly inevitable paralysis on 25-75% of the things I need to get done. 🙂 And I’ve observed that some other folks are hitting the wall now too. I’ve been watching this cycle happen to me for a while with a new level of self-awareness and thinking a lot about how to put some supports in place for when these things happen. Or better yet, focussing on forms of work that don’t contribute to the cycle and avoiding those that do. But this is VERY hard to do, in part because, at least for academics, the “lone hero” executive model seems to be default.

I’ve identified two possible long-term wellbeing helping fixes which both require structural change: (1) shared co-leadership so one can pool abilities & inabilities with a colleague (ideally who already knows you well enough that you don’t have to spend months educating them about autism before starting) – (2) (at least for academic staff) working in partnership with support staff to divide up work tasks and planning. Having another person in the loop naturally helps with executive function as someone else can mind deadlines / milestones and chase me if I’m flagging, breaking the loop (sometimes). Both both of these models seem to be REALLY hard to implement in a lot of higher education management structures.

In these organisational cultures leadership can’t be shared, or has unhelpful externalities. It can hamper promotion prospects for your co-leader if they’re more junior (or female) as bias prevents people from seeing achievements as shared. But also workload allocation models prevent this practice as the work doesn’t split 50/50, but ends up being a bit more like 65/65 as there is additional labour in being collaborative (I think the overall results are improved, but the practice is not “lean”). And then sometimes there just aren’t enough people around. And you have to be careful about not using & abusing your allies (if you have them).

I have been successful in forging partnerships with support staff at UOB, and I have massive gratitude for those folx who have been willing to come alongside, listen, and share their energy in making great things happen for students and ressearch projects.

BUT it has become a habitual pattern that when I do find a successful partnership with a colleague where we can divide up tasks in a helpful way, have a change to get to know one another and develop a good flow – within 3-6 months of sorting that out, they’re seconded to a new position in a different team. This has happened to me a half dozen times. And it’s not just inconvenient, but actually there is fallout, as I can’t manage a portfolio solo that I can with collaborators, and then I have to cancel events and walk back activities that I’ve commited to. And it’s hard to explain why this is the case. I’m not sure why so many Universities have such a revolving door approach to support staff teams, but this seems to be endemic. So I’ve found myself starting to avoid forging partnerships like this because the risk is just too high. And you can’t ask a person if they’re going to stay in a post for more than 12 months, as I think that’s impolite?