Month: February 2024

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Forging and living in community is hard work. Anyone who tells you otherwise is either not aware of the suffering or hard work of other members in their community which is ongoing on their behalf or inexperienced. But this labour can also be part of the joy and beauty of it, a kind of craft taken up in the interest of establishing and maintaining spaces of loving mutual care for one another.

While people can sometimes tend to view church as a form of consumerised therapy, e.g. something that is undemanding (or only so demanding as to avoid revealing our interpersonal shortcomings) and meets a person’s (able-bodied) needs implicitly, there are other examples in recent years of reflection on ecclesia which focusses on areas where there is hard work to be done and towards the ways that we might sharpen the tools we bring to community-as-craft:

  • confronting racism and the need for forms of repentance and reconciliation as white ethno-nationalism has crept into particular instances of Christian self-identity
  • confronting institutional and interpersonal forms of misogyny and exclusion of women
  • addressing the ways that elitism and class (un)consciousness, in the form of wealth, literacy, or social status can subvert worship
  • unpacking the phenomenon of spiritual abuse and the ways that other more adjacent forms of trauma should be drawn into our reflection on life together
  • …and finally, assessing the ways that we have created spaces where the disabled God is unwelcome

As a theologian who occupies a small slice of these intersectional categories, I am wary of the ways that in some of these fields, reflection about justice can come in speculative forms – where you might imagine how it is for another person who is oppressed whilst not experiencing oppression yourself – rather than arising from lived experience or wisdom. I’m working on a book, God is Weird where I’ll unpack some of my own analysis as an autistic theologian and Christian ethicist and I’ve also begun setting up an ethnographic project around autistic spirituality. These projects won’t be complete for some years now, I expect, so in the meantime I thought it might be helpful to put down a series of posts on what resources I’ve found (some of them are written, but not all!), areas where I see opportunities for practitioners to change their approaches, and ways that our core theological and doctrinal thinking might need to change in light of the forms of exclusion of privilege which have narrowed theological reflection in the 20th century.

It is worth emphasising that the task here is quite severe: Christians have been at the forefront of conversion therapy and eugenics movements which have sought to eradicate and hide autistic lives, usually achieved through breathtaking levels of interpersonal violence. So while there is joy abounding in a neurodivergent theology, this is very much not a cheery lighthearted conversation for autists who are sharply aware of these legacies and hold them as personal trauma. For this post, I’m going to frame out some of the parameters that I think might be salient for autistic church for the sake of later reflection where I’ll unpack them, so here goes:

(1) Queering church: the starting point for all of this has to be an accounting for weirdness and unconventionality in forms of Christian life and worship, doctrine and collectivity. I note that sometimes neurodivergent (“ND”) thinkers might try to avoid getting caught up in debates around sexual orientation and attempt more covert or disentangled ways to engage this subject, but after a long season of covert work as a theologian, I’ve really begun to question the wisdown of such an approach. Queerness has always been about wider concerns beyond sexual orientation, but also “unconventional” sexual orientation and gender identity have always been a co-occuring feature of ND lives and bodies. As a result, I tend to view adjacent queering projects as complementary. Following on from this, there are some hard questions we need to ask in opening up a conversation about queering church for ND neighbours:

  • Why do we obsessively focus on categories of normality and flee from reflection on embodied difference?
  • Why have Christians led movements to eradicate or convert forms of embodied difference (like down syndrome or autism)? It is really important to reckon with the intensity of violence that some Christian communities have sustained towards disabled members of their communities. Christians were among those at the forefront of the eugenics movement in the 20th century and still are via the proxy of genetic research into “causes” of autism and gene therapies in the 21st century. But in other contexts, it is equally the case that conservative Christians have been at the forefront of pushing for access to behavioural therapies (like ABA) which seek to convert (I’m not exaggerating when I suggest we shoud substitute language here of “torture”) autistic children and young adults so that they conceal conspicuous behaviours. I know of many ND children who were pressed into narratives of “normal” behaviour as part of sunday school teaching. I know of no disavowal of ABA by any Christian denomination. As Laura MacGregor and Allen G. Jorgenson observe in one recent journal article, especially for parents and carers of children with disabilities, for a variety of reasons, churches feel “unsafe” with the consequence that those families “[withdraw] entirely from church”.
  • While the first-hand accounts of caregivers form an important body of knowledge which we should take very seriously in our reflection on the ways that churches exclude disabled persons, there is a hazard here in that these accounts of caregiver suffering and burnout can displace first-person accounts of chuch. I observe that much of the underwriting support for ABA and eugenics charities like Autism Speaks tends to be led by caregivers desperate for support which can ultimately cause further harm and marginalisation of those persons they are caring for. Why have we tended to focus on the (very real, to be fair) suffering of able-bodied caregivers and ignored the trauma and stolen agency of care-receivers?
  • I have also observed that conversations about accommodations and support start off very easy and meet hard limits very quickly. Too often, after a brief burst of enthusiasm (again, perhaps not appreciating the full scale of work that may be involved), we often tend to drift eventually towards a framing of conversations about forms of accommodation, conversations about rights and entitlements as a zero-sum game, emphasising limits to what is “practical” and in sharper cases supporting rearguard action to centre and celebrate privileged people who are ceding those “rights” for the sake of another person (e.g.  men’s rights, or white experiences of “racism”).

(2) There is an urgent need to centre embodied diversity as we reflect on life together. We’ve done a bit of thinking (thanks in no small part to the legacy of Nancy Eiesland) around accessibilty for wheelchair users in the built environment, but there are many other forms of inaccessiblity that don’t get attention, including some straight-forward aspects of ND embodied experience like sensory sensitivities around sound, light, texture and food. How do we worship corporately in ways that start from the assumption that auditory, visual, and sensorimotor differences are going to abound? Formulaic approaches to worship music aren’t likely to work. And how can we create pathways for people to share their negative experiences without fear of marginalisation, shame or sanction? Two autistic people in the same church may have conflicting experiences: loud music can produce suffering for some people whilst intense bodily vibration can generate deep joy for another. This is a paradox we haven’t spent much time exploring in the church or in academic theology. In a similar way, we’ve done a bit of work to accommodate some forms of hearing impairment with AV equipment, but other forms of neurological difference like central auditory processing disorder (CAPD) or just plain autistic cognition can lead to challenges around pace and flow of auditory information: a 30 minute long eloquent sermon may be a brilliant canvas for some people but a blank page for many others. Should the sermon or song really be the centerpiece of a church service? There are interesting questions about the love feast and other forms of liturgical meals which seem to have fallen off the radar as we seek to emulate para-ecclesial genres of oratory and performance.

(3) There is an obsession, especially within Protestant forms of worship on speech and oratory. This can often crowd out silence. Or worse-still this preference can lead to a commodification of silence, where it becomes seen as especially holy (mindfulness workshop anyone?) rather than part of someone’s mundane everyday experience. ND church needs to be able to accommodate and celebrate persons who are non-verbal or non-speaking (even if this is occasional rather than persistent as is often the case with masking autistic people). This is more common than you expect, especially given the ways we can tend to use invalidated pseudo-social scientific instruments like the Myers-Briggs tests to badge non-communication as a personality trait (and thus not requiring a person’s energy as attention as a prolific communicator). We also need to reflect on ways of accommodating different forms of speech, which may involve gesture, sounds, or echolalia. I was particularly struck by the account by Eli Clare (Brilliant Imperfection: Grappling with Cure) of having shaking and erratic body motions as a form of embodiment which can be celebrated. Think about the number of places across a worship service where perfection is upheld (even if not achieved) as a pursuit: music production, scholarly and eloquent but accessible sermons, clever spontaneous announcements. Would it feel perfectly normal if a person with cerebal palsy delivered a sermon in your church? So often we assume that effective communication is the problem of the communicator. But what if listening was sanctified as a challenging liturgical practice?

There’s more I’m sure, including thinking about how we can confront and dismantle ablist hierarchies, but that’s a good start for now. More from me on this in weeks to come!

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Another love letter to curious neurotypical allies

Another way that autism is often pathologised relates to characterisations of us as having a limited number of interests (sometimes described as “monotropism”), having “weak central coherence,” or as being inflexible or rigid around activities and conversations. More recently, autistic people have taken the reins of research and started to characterise this aspect of our cognition in different ways, particularly around the importance thinking through and tending to flow states and inertia. There is also some pretty interesting research emerging around cognitive difference around “predictive coding”.

Of course we can flip the pathologisation, asking why non-autistic people have to be so flighty, swapping from one topic to the next and correspondingly slow to complete tasks and notice connections across different domains. Of course this is just as unfair, but it highlights the ways that different forms of cognition are really just that: different.

We all experience times when we hit mental friction, e.g. trying to think through a problem in a way that just isn’t working, to such a degree that all your mental gears grind to a halt and you need to regroup. My ideal way of working through something is to work on tasks or topics, one at a time. I really want to understand and consolidate something (even if just provisionally, to highlight what has been left undone, to highlight what gaps in knowledge have been identified, what work might remain, etc.) before I move on. And I really like to set things up properly, getting the ambiance right, ensuring the right tools are ready, and the stage is set for effective work. For a simple thing like washing dishes, I want to make sure I’ve got a nice clear space for drying, a good soundtrack playing, and enough time set aside so that once I’ve begun, I can reasonably expect to finish the washing in one go. The upside of this is that once I’ve got things moving, I can go very fast – faster than most. But constantly stopping and starting, interrupting flow and having to hit the brakes and stop that inertia, can be really uncomfortable. That discomfort can be mitigated, when I anticipate I’m going to be interrupted, I’ll split tasks up into sub-groups, folding just the kids laundry and leaving towels for another day, or washing silverware and plates and stopping before I get to the pots.

It’s hard to convey the bodily sensation of having inertia stopped abrubtly, but it’s important to stress that it’s way beyond what you might think of as normal levels of uncomfortable annoyance. If I’m trapped in a situation where we are constantly stopping and starting, failing to take time to set up and define parameters, leaving things unfinished and never consolidating conversations or marking progress before moving on, it can feel like being forced to hold my breath or being exposed to loud music for hours at a time: uncomfortable, veering towards tortuous or traumatic. Poorly designed academic workshops can sometimes be like this or a dinner party with expectations that we all engage in small talk about topics that none of us actually care about (yes, ND folx are often not big fans of small talk). Again, I have ways of mitigating this – taking on the task of note-taker for a conversation and trying to consolidate the conversation for our small group; being the person at the party who gently invites “deep” conversations to those who are interested.

What I’d like you to know more about, however, is the degree to which our societies are attuned to non-autistic ways of working and being in the world. It’s not that (as often many people seem to assume) we’ve reached a nirvana where everyone can just do things at their own pace, but that people just don’t notice how they’re being given priority around the horizons that we set for default deadlines and planning, how often we change the accepted approach to a given form of practice, etc.

In my perfect world, I’d be able to focus days around specific forms of activity: maybe teaching classes on Monday and Tuesday, conducting research on Wednesday, holding meetings on Thursday morning and marking exams in the afternoon, etc. But that isn’t how things work out: my teaching activities are spread across the week and there are rules to enforce this kind of work scheduling. When I’ve requested a different approach, I’ve been told this would disadvantage other colleagues and is against “the rules”. My requests are characterised as special pleading or even suspicious. When I’ve asked for the terms of a meeting to be defined ahead of time, perhaps even collaboratively, colleagues can sometimes be defensive: “Why can’t we do this in a ‘relational’ way and just have a conversation? Why do you always need to email so much?”

The upside of this is that at the start of each day, I need to think my way through the number of interactions and tasks I’m going to be drawn into, and I try to consolidate for myself as much as possible. I calculate the people I need to work with who won’t be willing or able to accommodate a different pattern from their own. Those become the “triage” events that require special levels of energy and planning. Then I need to try and consolidate the rest of the time as best as I can, but it’s often the case that the triaging takes up *all* the time. The sad thing about this is that being flexible and accommodating of different patterns doesn’t just help autistic people like me – there are many other non-ND folx who need a bit of time to get “into gear” and might want to set up collaboratively designed ways of working to get around other invisible challenges.

If you’d like to learn more, I highly recommend: