If you’re going to be around a table, bring some options for people to fidget or an activity that uses your hands (and warn people / encourage others to do the same in advance) so there’s no need to sit around staring at one another:

  • you can do  figet toys for the entire group at the meeting (fidget toys are awesome for everyone!) or something like build legos.

Or consider changing format / venue:

  • take your meeting “on a walk,” and talk while you walk (medical research has found that ambulatory movement can be very helpful for anyone who is trying to think out a problem!)
  • find a place where it’s normal to sit side by side: some of my best conversations have been sitting next to someone enjoying a view on a bench or in side-by-side chairs drinking coffee

And generally:

  • create opportunities for people to indicate different needs or deflect without cost; one very easy one is to encourage people to have laptops with them so they can “look stuff up”. I’ll often have my laptop out while I’m listening. Somteimes I’ll use this for closed captioning audio so I can read what people are saying when it’s hard to hear. Sometimes, I’ll be chasing down ideas that are inspired by what we’re talking about in greater depth than the conversation format will allow. Sometimes I need to step away from focal attention, tuning out for 5 minutes so I can regroup and rejoin the conversation. I don’t usually lose track of the flow of conversation as I can monitor it passively rather than actively and this kind of switching from active to passive can make participation easier

But remember two things: (1) it’s ok. We’ve done this before, and this one meeting isn’t going to be the thing that ends us and (2) the worst case scenario is having someone single you out and try to plan was to meet your needs on the spot in public.

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